


Now and Then

by Make_or_Blake



Series: The Now and Then Verse [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, M/M, Strangefrost, but also bring tissues, but for what it is its definitely slowburn, i dont know if a fic this length can be considered slowburn, i mean my plan has a lot but i need gay to survive so how slow will it be, i promise theres some fluff, kind a slow burn, representation of ptsd based off research and personal understanding, slowburn, the issues are severe untreated ptsd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:20:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 15,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22456348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Make_or_Blake/pseuds/Make_or_Blake
Summary: There was a searing flash. And there was pain. So much pain Any image was gone in place of white and it hurt everything hurt he couldn’t do it he wasn’t strong enough he couldn’t-Loki jerked back, ending the connection by force. He sucked in a breath and said nothing. His nails dug into his palm. If Strange somehow still had any doubts Loki was sure the look on his face would have laid them to rest. Loki tried to take a breath and cursed himself for how shaky it felt.“I don’t doubt you.” Stephen paused. “You told the truth.”“Funny that.”
Relationships: Loki/Stephen Strange
Series: The Now and Then Verse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2088714
Comments: 95
Kudos: 199





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Proceed with caution Loki has a lot of trauma he has to deal with in this chapter and the whole fic. The nature of that trauma is somewhat ambiguous but he's clearly suffered abuse. Air on the side of caution if you feel you could be triggered or negatively effect but this nature of content
> 
> DISCLAIMER: Loki obviously has PTSD. The representation of PTSD within this fic is based in part off my own experiences with mental health issues but in large the research I've done on PTSD. It is not a resources or a perfect representation. Please take care not treat it as such.

Thor meant it, Loki was sure, when he said he thought everything would be okay. Thor was an idiot. The Agent S.H.I.E.L.D had sent, who’s name Loki already forgot was an even bigger idiot. Loki was standing a few paces behind his Brother as he tried to convince the agent Loki wasn’t a threat. It was going about as well as any sane person would expect. Thor seemed very surprised. On a technicality there weren’t any legal issues with the remaining Asgardians setting up in Norway. Seemingly Odin had been sincere enough about this becoming the New Asgard that he’d purchased enough property to do so. Apparently Odin was better at stocks than he was at parenting.

Thor was attempting to explain to the Agent that Loki, more or less, wasn’t evil. The agent was explaining to Thor far more convincingly that when they had allowed Loki to leave Earth in the first place it was under the understanding that he would be facing justice elsewhere and most certainly wouldn’t be coming back. Thor kept glancing back at Loki, with thinly veiled panic. All of Asgard was sending her murderous looks. It was the most appreciated Loki had felt in a while.

It certainly felt like the worst case scenario anyone would have thought up. Anyone except the Sorcerer Supreme it would seem. Before Loki had time to dwell on the situation any further, or anyone decided to assassinate Agent Unappreciated, golden sparks materialised. Loki distinctly remembering considering taking the tesseract and going to live somewhere no one would recognise him. Perhaps visiting in a few centuries if S.H.I.E.L.D was abolished by then.

Loki only had a few seconds to dwell on his unhelpful thoughts as The Sorcerer Supreme was stepped out of the portal, looking as though he was over the situation before it had even begun. The nameless shield agent jumped. Thor took a step back. Loki remembered falling through that void. And tensed up. Once falling through blackness had been more than enough for his tastes and twice had refreshed already badly handled memories. If he had to deal with a third he’d ensure Stephen’s family had to deal with a funeral.

“Thor.” Stephen started a blatantly fake smile. “Care to explain?”

Thor, it seemed, did not have an explanation, nor a decent lie planned. And he was supposedly Loki’s brother. Maybe intelligence was genetic.

The more Thor talked and Stephen raised his eyebrow sceptically as the situation descended into chaos, Loki found himself mentally drifting further and further away from himself.

“If you’d allow me a moment.” Thor proclaimed loudly enough for Loki to tune back in to the conversation. Thor was walking towards Loki. Loki raised an eyebrow because it was as good a reaction as any.

“Plan not going so well?” he asked once Thor was close enough that only they would hear. Thor visibly winced. “Dr Strange in reasonable. S.H.I.E.LD not as much so. But, Strange, I think could be convinced.” Loki took a deep breath and thought. His first and most appealing idea was to teleport away immediately and never show his face again. The second, less fun plan was to listen to Thor and try to appeal to the sorcerer. Already not the best idea, being based off Thor’s judgement. But somehow still the best plan he had. He looked towards the supposed Sorcerer Supreme, who stared right back. Without sparing Thor a glance he stepped towards Strange, in long confident strides.

“We haven’t formally met. Loki. Would you mind joining my Brother and I for a moment?” Years of attending Asgardian court and making small talk with nobles from across the nine realms had made curtesy second nature to Loki-when he saw it necessary. Dr Strange looked at Loki with consideration.

“Dr Stephen Strange. And I suppose that’s acceptable.” Loki twisted his face into a tight lipped smile and returned to where his Brother was still standing, staring at him with wide eyes- ignoring the protests of the agent as he left.

 _What did he have to lose?_ “I understand you have concerns about our returning to your planet.” Stephen raised an eyebrow in an unnecessarily dramatic fashion. Loki resisted rolling his eyes.

“That’s an understatement.” Stephen would not be swayed easily. Loki hadn’t thought he would, but the man was more stubborn than anticipated. Still, Loki hoped he could sway him with his words. It was the only option. The only one he could let himself consider.

“Allow me to assure you your concerns are unnecessary.”

“Somehow I doubt that. And regardless, of your, or Asgard’s opinion on the matter.” He shot a glance towards the Asgardians still in the area. “Your presence here remains a problem. More specifically a problem I have to deal with. S.H.I.E.L.D will be even less forgiving than I am. So I would suggest leaving immediately before any of the concerned party’s take action to deal with you. Unless of course I’m missing something?”

He was being sarcastic, Loki knew, but he also knew that Stephen was missing something. Key information to this whole mess was known my Loki and Loki alone. Because how was he meant to tell anyone? To talk about it?

“If you were missing something would that change things?” Loki said after he realised he’d been silent too long. What was he doing? He wasn’t considering telling Strange, a man he didn’t know. He wouldn’t do that. He couldn’t. Then he looked at Thor, who looked confused, but…hopeful, and he realised if this went wrong he wasn’t the only one who’d get hurt. For the first time in a long time he decided he wouldn’t be selfish.

Stephen’s stony exterior slipped slightly, giving way to a sort of hesitant curiosity. “What exactly are you getting at?”

Loki held back, because the last thing he wanted was to do this. He looked at Thor again. What choice did he have?

“Your concern is regarding my action in New York. If those actions were not my own your concern would be nullified. Correct?” Stephen hostility faded minutely. He was listening.

“If, and only if, you could prove such a thing.” A building sense of dread situated itself in the pit of Loki’s stomach. He pushed back his apprehensions and went on.

“A sorcerer such as yourself would be able to identify if a memory were false would you not?”

“You’re proposing showing me whatever it is you believe proves your innocence?”

Loki smoothed his expression as much as he could manage. “Yes.”

“You’re aware I would be able to easily, as you said, determine if you showed me a fake memory? And if you did so, or tried anything at all, I would know and end things in an instant?” Loki didn’t miss the threatening edge to his tone, but it changed nothing.

“Yes. Do you find this plan to be agreeable or not?” Stephen looked directly at Loki, thoughtful, seemingly trying to make sense of him. _Good luck._ Loki thought to himself.

Stephen reached out his hand. “Go on.” He sounded curious more than anything.

Loki took his hand and reached back into his mind. Green light engulfed their joined hands and Loki deliberated guided the memories to the surface for the first time.

_A burst of light. Vague awareness of his surroundings. “Sir, please put the down the spear.” Loki looked down. He hadn’t realised he was holding it. The sceptre glowed and he felt its hold over his mind strengthen. He was outside himself. He watched as he killed the men who stood to oppose him. It was like someone else was using his body, even if he knew the actions were his own._

_The memory grew foggy. Loki didn’t want to remember. He pushed them towards a different memory._

_"Where is the tesseract?”_

_Loki laughed. Out of breath from the impact of being thrown against the rock he now leant on. “I missed you to.”_

_“_ _Do I look to be in a gaming mood?”_

_“You should thank me. With the by frost gone how much dark energy did the allfather have to muster to conjure you here? Your precious Earth.” Deflect. Stall. Provoke. That was easier than trying to fight the hold on his mind. Easier than having to feel. He started to get himself up off the ground. Everything was too much effort. Thor pulled him up the rest of the way._

_“I thought you dead.” I meant to die. I wish I did. Loki wanted to say, to tell him. Can’t you see this isn’t me?_

_“Did you mourn?” Do you care at all?_

_“_ _We all did. Our Father-”_

_“_ _Your, Father.” At least Loki could say something he meant, just this once. “He did tell you my true parentage did he not?” Loki moved passed Thor. He couldn’t stand to look at him. The sound of thunder resonated through the sky. Loki just stopped himself from flinching._

_“We were raised together. We played together. We fought together. Do you remember none of that?”_

_“I remember a shadow. Living in the shade of your greatness. I remember you tossing me into an abyss. I was and should be King.” Keep talking. Make him hate you. It’s easier. Loki couldn’t let himself feel. He couldn’t let himself think. He let the influence of the mind stone corrupt him. Because he couldn’t fight anymore. “_

_So you take the world I love as recompense for your imagined slights?” Thor’s word’s cut deeper than the knives in recent months ever had._

_The vision flickered into nothing and stayed the way for long enough Loki knew it would raise questions with Stephen. He couldn’t keep the connection stable. He couldn’t remember. He wouldn’t let himself. The memory came back into sight._

_“I have seen the true power of the tesseract and when I weild it-“_

_“Who showed you this power? Who controls the would be king?” So you do see? That I’m being controlled? That I don’t want this? Don’t let me do this, Brother._

_“I am I king.” He all but screamed._

_“Not here. You give up the tesseract. You give up this poisonous dream. You come home.” If only he could. “_

_I don’t have it.” That’s what you really care about isn’t it? The tesseract. The threat. Not me. Never me. Thor summoned Mjolnir and Loki knew he was right. Loki forced them away from the memory. He needed to get away from it. From everything. In his panic and need to get away he didn’t consider what he was pushing them towards. And everything was worse_

_“You will go earth. You will acquire the tesseract and you will complete your task.” Loki was breathless and in pain. But still resolute. He was stronger then he got credit for. “No.” Loki tried to cut the memory off. The force of the trauma held him too tightly. There was a searing flash. And there was pain. So much pain Any image was gone in place of white and it hurt everything hurt he couldn’t do it he wasn’t strong enough he couldn’t-_

Loki jerked back, ending the connection by force. He sucked in a breath and said nothing. His nails dug into his palm. If Strange somehow still had any doubts Loki was sure the look on his face would have laid them to rest. Loki tried to take a breath and cursed himself for how shaky it felt.

“I don’t doubt you.” Stephen paused. “You told the truth.”

“Funny that.” Loki refused to look at him, or worse, to look at Thor. Not after that.

“You still have S.H.I.E.L.D to deal with.”

“Wait, you mean… You no longer have any issue?” Thor spoke up. He was looking at Loki, who refused to meet his gaze.

“That would be the implication, yes.” Strange replied. “Based of events thus far I’m assuming you don’t have a plan, do you?”

Thor shifted. “Well, not exactly.” Stephen looked to Loki, who was still adamantly looking away from everyone.

“I can deal with S.H.I.E.L.D.”

“What?” Loki snapped, and made eye contact with Stephen for first time since breaking the connection. He regretted it instantly. Stephen was studying him. “Why would you do that?”

“Because,” Stephen looked at him with such interest it actually shocked Loki. “It is the fair thing to do.” He looked back at Thor. “Although I would advise you against causing any more issues for me. Do contact me once you’re more organised. If only so I can make sure you’ve not somehow set all of Norway into a tail spin.” Stephen was approaching the S.H.I.E.L.D representation before Thor could say anything.

Thor turned towards his brother but found Loki was already fast retreating.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No editing because im a man and i shall die like one
> 
> (but actually i might come back and change it later because im a coward)

Loki found himself seated on the edge of a couch in a secluded part of the house (more like a manor) that he, Thor, Val, and a few others were staying in temporarily. He stared out into the room blankly, swirling the expensive red wine the glass he’d overfilled. The freshly opened bottle sat on the table in front of him.

His head was already feeling foggy from the alcohol. Then again he was starting his second bottle. Loki usually avoided heavy drinking, disliking the dulling of his senses -common sense more than anything- but tonight that was exactly what he needed. Thinking felt like walking through wet concrete, each step dragging him further into the depths of despair. An alcoholic haze was exactly what he needed to combat the fog of his own mind. Breathing felt easier when he wasn’t thinking.

“Loki?” Thor’s soft voice hit Loki like a deafening echo, reverberating around the space. Loki jumped, and all the tension the wine had helped get rid of returned in a second.

“What?” He snapped, looking up.

Thor frowned, glancing at the bottle on the table. “You’ve been drinking.”

“Acute observation as always, Brother.” He looked back down at his glass, and took another gulp.

“How much have you had?”

“One.”

“Glass?”

Loki looked up a Thor in a way that made it obvious he didn’t mean a glass. Just because he elected to vanish empty bottles instead of leaving them strewn around the place like some drunken pig didn’t mean he was holding himself back by any means.

Thor took a deep breath. “Could we talk?”

“Can I stop you?” Thor gave him a look that seemed mostly like remorse. But Loki couldn’t really tell. He looked back at his glass as Thor walked over and sat on the other end of the couch.

“What happened earlier-”

“Is none of your concern.”

“Loki, _please_. Just listen-”

“No.” He stood up to fast, spilling some wine on the floor. “You listen to me for once, _Odinson._ I am not going to discuss this, nor anything, with you, as of now or ever. Forget earlier. Forget your questions and your pity and go talk to someone who wants to listen.”

Loki stormed out in a huff, only regretting that he’d left his bottle of wine. He’d find somewhere else to drink. And this time he’d make sure the door was locked.

The next day Loki had a blinding headache for most of the next morning. Magical hang over cures aside, he felt like death. But he’d lived through worse than a few painfully dull meetings accompanied by a migraine. They met with government officials who couldn’t seem to hide their nervous glances towards Loki. Boring technical details were ironed out and documents signed. Once the Norwegian government representatives were finished the business for the day the moved on to more local concerns. Organising a new settlement was no easy task. The whole time, Thor had seemed to hold Loki at arm’s length. Loki found he couldn’t stop the regret from building as the day went on.

The better half of the afternoon was passed by the time things were finally coming to a close. For the day at least. The last people in what was currently being used as a meeting room were Thor, Loki and Val.

“Could I speak to you for a moment?” Loki broke the silence, looking at his Brother to make it clear who he was addressing.

“I’m done here. I’ll leave you be.” Val said, picking up some documents. Loki nodded to her as she left.

“What’s going on?” Thor asked as Val closed the door. He was looking at some papers on the table.

“I’m sorry.” He’d meant to phrase his it in a more sophisticated way, perhaps in a way that made him look better than he really was, but Thor holding him at a distance all day had made him more inclined to swallow his pride, it seemed. He’d been doing that more lately.

Thor put the papers down and looked up at him, so he continued. “For last night. I shouldn’t have… snapped at you, the way I did. I was in a bad state but that wasn’t your fault.”

“Loki, I’m not upset with you. I thought you’d need space. I didn’t want you to feel crowded.” Loki didn’t know when Thor had learnt to read between the lines, or to read Loki at all for that matter. “I forgive you.” He smiled softly at Loki, who found himself smiling back. “Are you going to explain what happened yesterday?”

Loki didn’t want to. He’d rather forget anything had happened. Thor was curious, worried even but he wasn’t pressuring him by any means. Somehow that was worse. Loki took a deep breath.

“I suppose you should know. This stays between us.” He looked straight at Thor as he said it. This wasn’t a part of his past he was eager accept, let alone publicize. Thor nodded seriously. He understood the gravity Loki spoke with, even if he didn’t know where it stemmed from.

Loki looked down and swallowed. How did he even begin to explain? “Strange was right about one thing. I did tell the truth.” He frowned. He’d never spoken about any of this. He thought he never would, because why would he want to? Thor stayed quiet, waiting for Loki to continue.

When Loki said nothing, Thor spoke up. “Did you really not have a choice?” he sounded unsure, but also… guilty. Loki realised he’d been staring at nothing and looked back at his Brother.

“No, I didn’t.” _And now you know. Please don’t hate me._

“I- Loki that’s… why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“I was under the influence of the mind stone. I couldn’t.” He heard his voice like it came from someone else. He realised how completely void of emotion he sounded.

“But after…”

“Who would I have told?” He looked away again. Thinking about it made old wounds feel fresh. “I’m sorry.” It seemed that fear of Thor hating him made apologising easy.

Thor didn’t say anything. Loki was waiting for him to snap and demand Loki’s departure. “Thor- What?” he jumped because Thor had his arms around Loki and was holding onto him too tightly.

“I’m so sorry.”

Loki exhaled in relief and hugged Thor back. “You’re not angry?”

Thor pulled back but kept his hands on Loki’s shoulders like he still wasn’t ready to let go. “Why would I be angry with you?”

“For keeping it a secret. Lying.”

“No, Loki, that’s not- I’m not angry. I’m sorry.”

Loki stayed silent, looking at Thor, who seemed… not how Loki expected he’d respond. “It’s okay.”

\---

Thor knew. Well, at least some of it. Loki had been far from an open book during that interaction. Thor could tell, he was sure, that he didn’t give anywhere near all the information, and yet the world had yet to catch aflame. Maybe that was a dramatic outcome to have expected, but Loki was a dramatic man. Now that he was alone he was seriously considering getting his hands on more wine but he felt like he needed to clear his head which wine -however good- wouldn’t accomplish.

He wasn’t upset with how things went. At least he thought he wasn’t. But after so long keeping everything hidden, pressed back to the deepest recesses of his mind so no one –even he- couldn’t access the truth. Within 2 days he’d had to share the parts of history he most wanted to forget with a stranger-and his Brother. He didn’t know which was worse.

Everything he did to keep it secret, to not let this affect him anymore, didn’t seem like it mattered now. It was all crumbling around him. No matter how far he’d pushed everything down in an instant it all felt so close to the surface again.

He shouldn’t have told Strange. He shouldn’t have explained to Thor. He should have run away the second this whole mess started. After all that’s who he was, wasn’t it? Now it was too late. It was only a matter of time before the truth in its entirety was revealed. And then what? No one could find out. He couldn’t let that happen.

His breathing was picking up. He couldn’t think. Panic set in. And cohesive thoughts fell away.

_Because what was he meant to do now?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment or you're a murderer. no i will not explain.


	3. Chapter 3

“Thor, please tell me it says ‘Dr Strange Visit’ on the calendar because you misspelt ‘lunch.’”

Later that day, as scheduled in Thor’s handwriting, was the worst thing Loki had ever laid eyes upon in this lifetime or any other.

Thor froze, looking away from whatever papers he’d been staring at by the centre table of what had been dubbed the ‘business room’, for the last hour, sighing occasionally-Loki has almost thrown a book at him several times. “It’s Tuesday.” He clearly meant to say it as fact but his lack of surety was obvious in his tone, and the fact Loki actually knew what day of the week it was.

“It’s Thursday. The one named after you? Do keep up.”

Occasionally –by no means often- there were moments where Loki could _almost_ describe Thor as clever. Then, very often, there were moments like these, in which Loki wanted to hit Thor over the head with his own poorly organised time table.

“I… may have overlooked a few minor details.”

“I trust you’re fully capable of handling said details on your own. I’ll be in the first available space I find that isn’t here.”

“Loki, wait.” Thor put a hand on Loki’s shoulder as he went to leave. “Don’t hate me for this.” Loki gave him his incredibly well practiced cold glare. “Someone has to show him around. It’s just this once seeing as-”

“I’m sure you make a wonderful tour guide.” Loki cut in, moving to leave again.

“Loki, please. I know I shouldn’t be asking-“

“Then don’t.”

“I wouldn’t. We wouldn’t be here if he hadn’t helped us. And he wants to know what exactly we’re doing, which is understandable. I need someone who knows about everything going on. And someone with authority, that I _trust._ ”

“I’m sure Val will consider it an honour.”

“She’s busy.”

“And I’m not?”

“Loki, _please._ ”

Loki took his time to breathe. Exhaling in the proper manner to make sure Thor would feel sufficiently guilty. “A year ago I would have stabbed you for this.”

Thor smiled, far too relieved, and still apologetic. “But now you won’t?”

“I’ll have to think about it.”

\---

It took Loki under a minute to decide Stephen was the most ridiculously theatrical person he’d ever met-including himself. Who wore all three prime colours at once? Was it Midgardian fashion to look like a colour wheel used to teach kindergarteners? He wasn’t even wearing pure yellow. More of a mustard. Disgusting. He didn’t even look like one of the nicer colour palettes. Strange had no sense of style. Loki found him intolerable.

“Welcome back.” He said when Stephen stepped through his obnoxious portal. Strange could definitely tell he didn’t mean it. Good.

“I’m surprised it’s you that’s greeting me.”

“I’m less than thrilled about it.” He replied, bluntly. “Shall we begin?” Strange gave a curt nod in response. He was giving Loki that same look, studying him, curious. It made Loki bristle.

Loki turned and started walking without another word. The less he managed to interact with Strange the better. Loki showed him the major places of relevance around New Asgard. Thankfully the main area of importance was densely filled with the places necessary to visit so Loki didn’t have to spend much time tensely walking beside Strange in silence.

In the middle of one of Loki’s incredibly terse explanations Val interrupted them. Loki decided that he was very much fond of Val.

“Gentlemen. Hate to interrupt but Loki there’s a minor situation I need your expertise on.”

Loki quirked an eyebrow. “How so?”

“Magical artifact. Guy claims it’s safe but I have my suspicions and I can’t exactly tell. Settle the matter? It’ll only take a moment.”

“Gladly.” He agreed perhaps too quickly. Being near Strange was like leaning over the edge of a precipice. One wrong move away from disaster. Spending time feeling like the smallest push would send him spiralling into the darkness below wasn’t Loki’s idea of fun. The chance to take a step back from the edge was welcome.

Loki neglected to say anything to Stephen as he followed her across the courtyard. Stephen kept near enough by to see what happened. Loki wished he wouldn’t, it rather defeated the point of leaving so quickly.

“What seems to be the problem?” Loki asked with a polite smile. The man under suspicion was looking thoroughly displeased. He was holding some sort of wooden box. Val was right in that it was clearly magical. Not only were the several ornamental gems but it was covered in runes, arranged abnormally. You’d find it difficult to find an Asgardian without some understanding of magic, so integral it was to their society, but magic was complex. Beautiful but easy to misuse. It was easy enough to have difficulty identifying any one type of magic once it extended past the basics of theory.

“Apparently there’s some law against keeping a family heirloom.” He glared at Valkyrie as he spoke. Which Loki didn’t appreciate but he smiled politely again, as opposed to escalating the situation as much as he wanted to.

“Of course not. But you understand why we have to be careful given the current situation. It’d be all too easy for people to get away with all sorts of things if we weren’t. I’m sure you’ve done nothing wrong but if you’d allow me to examine the object I could easily confirm that and you’d be on your way in no time.”

The man eyed him but handed over the box. Loki took the box, taking care to handle it with respect regardless of the fact he already disliked this man. Holding the box with his left hand, he held his right above it and spoke an incantation.

_Green light engulfed the box, shimmering. It stalled, strands of light wrapping around the box until the box itself glowed as the spell permeated through it. The lights turned gold, before disappearing completely with a final burst of energy as they left._

“Luck and prosperity charm. Not illegal.” He handed the box back. “Thank you for your cooperation. I’m sure I don’t need to explain why it was necessary.”

The man walked away grumbling something about ridiculous practices and authority. Loki wanted to banish people like him. Thor said that sounded like a dictatorship. Loki thought it was just how monarchies work and if you’re going to have a monarchy you may as well act like it. Thor had laughed at that even though Loki was somewhat sincere.

“You’d make some Politician.” He turned to Val, raising a questioning eyebrow.

“I take that as a compliment.”

“I meant it as one. Thank you for your help.” She clapped him on the shoulder in gesture she and Thor had both claimed was friendly and Loki maintained was barbaric.

“You’re welcome. Oh, and Val? Please keep in mind it’s not at all difficult to transform someone into a snail if they deserve it.”

Val laughed. Saying her goodbyes and leaving him alone in the company of Strange once again. Loki watched her leave, if only to stall further interaction with Strange.

“I didn’t recognise that spell.” Stephen said softly, from where he was standing behind Loki.

“I designed it.” He still wasn’t fond of looking at Stephen, but he couldn’t avoid eye contact forever. He turned around.

“Must be useful.” Loki hated the way Strange was speaking. Softly. Polite and _caring_ almost. But always with that undertone of intrigue. He wanted to figure Loki out. If that was the case he’d be disappointed. Loki had had more than enough of his mind being pulled apart and put back together for this lifetime.

“We’ve been over everything important. If you wish to understand the details of the inner working around here you’re capable of finding someone else to explain them.”

Loki turned to leave but Strange took his wrist. It reminded Loki of the connection that first day, and he wanted to disappear from this retched planet again. “Loki-”

“What?” He snapped, already well past the point he would have ended the interaction, given the choice.

“I’m not a fool. I know you dislike me. And I know why, but let me assure you I’m not your enemy.”

“Do not presume to know me, simply because you have seen inside my head. You know nothing. And you have no right to.”

Strange let go of his wrist. “I don’t think I know anything about you. Not really. I’m not so arrogant to think I somehow understood you in the brief moments we’ve spoken.”

Loki was the one looking at him now. “I don’t need your pity.”

“Is that what you think I feel? Because if that’s the case you’re not as smart as you think you are.”

“What else would make you this,” he made a less then elegant gesture towards Strange in frustration, “this interested?”

“Did it ever occur to you that it might be because you’re interesting?”

Loki took a step back before he could stop the reaction. He wasn’t sure how to respond to that. “You shouldn’t be interested.” That wasn’t how.

“I can’t help it.”

However much he disliked him, Loki had to give Strange some credit. Not a lot of people could render him speechless.

After a few second too many of silence and trying to understand what the expression on Stephen’s face meant Loki spoke. “Whatever you think you know. You’re wrong.”

“I could say the same to you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so weekly updates was doomed to fail. but here we are. Thank you to people who've commented btw feedback is a great motivator also im attention seeking   
> also I spell like an Australian because i am one archive can fuck off with its red underline


	4. Chapter 4

It had been just over three weeks since Loki’s interaction with Strange and there’d been no notable word from him since, to which Loki claimed indifference despite his relief being obvious. Valkyrie had proclaimed that day as their official day off. The initial chaos of change was passing and the hectic atmosphere of the previous weeks was catching up to everyone. No one had been opposed to Val’s suggestion, so she and Thor ended up dragged Loki outside seeing as it was one of the rare warmer days in Norway. Not that it was by any means hot. Clouds were passing in and out of blocking the sun and the air was crisp and biting. Apparently the temperature being above freezing wasn’t a good enough reason for Loki to stay indoors all day reading in isolation.

He had tried to explain that given he was a Jotun he was notably more suited to a cooler climate. Val had sarcastically stated that they were already in Norway and what more could he possibly ask for. An ice age, was Loki’s entirely serious reply, which went unanswered aside from Val’s eye roll. Thor had pointed out that he’d spent most of his life on Asgard without complaint so should be fine. And maybe that was a fair point but that wasn’t going to stop Loki from complaining.

Val had insisted Loki leave his book behind. She seemed to expect him to socialize and was understandably annoyed when Loki conjured it back the moment he sat down and leaned against the tree they’d decided to sit by. Thor and Val somehow got to talking about women. Of course they would.

“You’re awfully quiet, Loki.” Val had noticed his disinterest.

“Why would I engage in a conversation I disagree with fundamentally?”

“Loki, I respect you but women are incredible.”

“I didn’t say they weren’t. You’re talking about your past youthful romances. With girls. I have nothing to add.”

“I can’t imagine that life.” Val had an art for making light remarks seem serious for the added effect. Loki just shook his head, smiling. When Thor laughed Val continued. “Don’t think I understand you either. You’re both missing out.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” Loki flicked over the page in his book.

A few hours of ridiculous banter later Val and Thor might as well have been dying of starvation the way they went on about it. So they headed back with Loki in tow. As Thor and Val headed to the Kitchen’s Loki broke off to make his way to the Library. “The Library” as it were would be more accurately described as the room with the most books – Asgardian or otherwise. Ragnarok hadn’t left much time to save anything but the people, some of whom had managed to save a few items from their homes. Anything literature related Loki had taken it upon himself to magically copy so as to preserve the knowledge while allowing the owners to keep their possessions.

That was the room Loki found himself in now. He often visited it. It felt the closest to the Library at home – Asgard’s library. Loki had always found sanctuary there as a boy. It was quiet, and Thor and his friends were rarely there, too busy throwing axes at each other. Perhaps in some ways Loki’s lifelong isolation was self-imposed. He certainly rarely joined in in sparring outside of official training. Then again no one ever asked him what he was reading, or shared in his chosen studies.

Loki had always been a loner. Seemingly he still was. He’d not exactly carried the conversation that day, and he’d left at the first opportunity. Loki shook his head. There was no point contemplating his own lack of a want to socialize.

***

Thor and Val ended up in the empty dining hall with the food they’d acquired from the kitchens. Val seemed content to ignore Thor, hunched over her plate of chicken wings. Or so he thought.

“What’s the problem?” She asked still looking at her plate.

“Nothing?” Thor had been lost in thought before she spoke and to his disdain it was obvious

“Something’s bothering you. I thought it was just stress but pretty much everything’s on track now and you’re still acting like a kicked puppy.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Of course you will. Once you tell me what’s wrong. Stop being difficult.”

Thor sighed and leaned his head against hand in a bid to give himself time to think of a way to subside Val’s suspicion. “I’m just worried in general. I am a king you know.”

“You sure? Kings are meant to be honourable and you just lied to me.”

Thor leaned back in mock offence. “How dare you? Absolutely treasonous.”

“Better have me thrown in the stocks.”

“I’d better.”

She grinned at him, shaking her head. “Come on. Stop stalling.”

“Call it family drama.”

“What’s the trickster up to now?”

“Nothing. He’s just, he’s Loki. There’ll always be something.”

“Why don’t you just talk to him about it?”

“Do what?”

Val just stared at him for a moment, and he had no idea what to expect. Then a chicken wing hit him in the face.

He flinched back, wiping sauce off his cheek. “Val!”

“Don’t look so offended. That’s Loki’s job. Now go talk to him.”

***

Thor found Loki with a surprising amount of ease. He found he walked directly to the closest thing to a library they currently had. He knocked before opening the door and poking his head around the corner and found he was right to assume Loki would be here. Loki was on the couch seemingly absorbing in reading. It was a familiar image. Thor could remember Loki reading more than anything else when they were younger.

“How are you?” He asked as he came over and sat on the chair near the couch.

“Still breathing.” Was Loki’s monotone reply as continued his reading. Silence returned and Thor realised he didn’t have any concept that even vaguely resembled a plan.

“How’re you feeling?”

Loki looked up at him and he had to have known his expression was perfectly designed to make anyone feel stupid. “Are you drunk?”

“No. I’m _trying_ to talk to you.”

“What compelled you to do that?”

“Valkyrie.”

Loki huffed a laugh. Thor smiled briefly, and then he stopped.

“I should have seen it.”

Loki didn’t have to ask what he was referring to. “You couldn’t have.”

“Yes I could’ve.” Thor was right, but Loki didn’t thinking acknowledging that would help. He set his book down.

“I don’t blame you.” Thor’s guilt was obvious. He looked at Loki with regret poorly masked by his skepticism. “I did. For a lot of things, but I shouldn’t have, and I don’t.”

Thor smiled, small and apologetic. “I’m sorry.” Loki went to say something. “Don’t. Just, let me say this…” He took a deep breath. “I want you to know that I am sorry, for all the hurt I’ve caused. And I hope, I hope that you can forgive me.”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“Loki-“

“You’re being ridiculous because I already forgave you. You are my brother after all. And, I’m sorry to. Is that all?” As done as Loki was with the conversation he couldn’t help the subtle smile tugging at his lips as he picked up his book.

“What’re you reading?” Thor asked leaning over to get a better view of the book.

“Nothing you’d be interested in.”

“Try me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this was subpar.  
> thanks i million times over to everyone whos commented so far please keep doing it its not only motivating but im on the verge of tears every time someone is vaguely nice to me which is a good thing i swear  
> More Stephen next chapter and things really get going then too


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peak strangefrost content right here if i do say so myself

Loki’s day had been pleasantly empty for once. Aside from a few minor problems he’d been able to easily resolve, everything had gone smoothly. He should have expected that any lack of animosity wouldn’t last. It never did.

“Loki will not be happy with this.” Thor’s voice rang out from the main area of the house, just ahead of where Loki was walking.

“With what?” Loki asked stepping around the corner of the open door. Whatever pleasant mood he’d been in prior fading completely at the sight of Stephen Strange. “You’re right. Why is he here?” he looked passed Stephen to his Brother. Soon to be dead Brother if he didn’t give a spectacular explanation in the time it would take Loki to get a knife.

“Stephen’s here on business.”

“Since when are you on a first name basis?” he snapped.

“You’re prickly today.” Strange said sounding unbothered in his usual way that was beginning to ware on the last thread of patience Loki had for him. He even had the audacity to smile slightly.

“I’m always prickly.” Loki answered, scowl deepening.

“As Thor said I’m here on business. I was hoping you might be of some assistance.”

“Well I hate to disappoint but tragically for you and I’d sooner journey to Muspellheim and pitch myself into flames.” He leaned his shoulder against the door in a very conscious attempt to seem unbothered, arms crossing in front of his chest.

“The matter of which I speak is concerning the infinity stones. I believe you have some experience in that area.”

Loki felt the muscles in his jaw clench. He took a breath and made himself relax. “You’re the Sorcerer Supreme are you not? I trust you’ll find whatever you’re looking for without me.”

“I’m sure I would, but undoubtedly I would be less efficient. Not many people have any useful information on the infinity stones and even less are as powerful as you. You’ll understand I’m sure, that given recent events, many people are on edge and believe the stones could prove to be a threat once again. I would like to stop that from becoming an issue. The sooner I can do such, the better.”

“And you want me to help you.” Loki stated, looking at Strange harshly, scrutinising him, trying desperately to understand his motivations, because there was simply no chance his incessant bothering of Loki was as innocent as he made it out to be.

“That was the implication.”

“Why?”

“Did you not listen to anything I just said?”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

Stephen tipped his head to the left just enough for Loki to notice it, looking at him curiously. “I’m afraid I don’t.”

Loki could say no, declare Strange a bastard -no new observation on his part- and leave Thor to deal with evicting Strange from the premises, but he’d have to explain that. Would simply his hatred of Strange be enough? Loki had never been one for answering questions so maybe he could work well enough with that. But if, just _if,_ people started asking questions about _why_ he despised Strange so much then Loki didn’t have a plan. He didn’t have an out, or a trick up his sleeve. And he’d never been one to _hope._

Strange was the beginning of the end. Every move he made was one push moving Loki closer to edge of the precipice that marked the end of his carefully constructed safety of denial, closer to his past, and the truths he wouldn’t allow himself to think. Truths, some of which Strange knew. And if people questioned, and they found out, then that would be the end of Loki’s denial, of his _safety._ Maybe if he got close to Strange he could discover what was actually going on, and if he was lucky, he could keep his secrets in the process.

“What would you want me to do?” He asked, smoothing over his features so as to give away nothing in an extremely well-practiced gesture.

“Anything you could to help better understand the stones and stop them from causing any more harm. Anything you’re willing to do.” Strange stressed the word ‘willing’ in a way that made it seem meaningful, and looked at Loki, in a way he had before, with an utter lack of any malice or ill intent towards Loki. It made Loki’s skin crawl.

“I’ll help you. Even if I really would rather burn to death.” Loki said. Stephen smiled, just a little, in a barely there way that Loki noticed more than he would have an outright grin, and he wondered what it meant.

Stephen Strange was like a tripwire. One wrong move around him and Loki’s life was sent spiralling into oblivion. When they first arrived on Earth and Loki made and impulsive and uncharacteristically selfless decision, his life and Strange’s had crashed into one another. Now, he was stuck in the trap that was the Sorcerer Supreme and he _would_ find his way out. That was what he did, that was who he was.

“Should I call to arrange this further?”

“If you don’t I’ll assume you’ve died tragically and I don’t have to help you anymore.”

Stephen really did smile at that, in a non-questionable, definite smile. After Stephen left Loki continued to glare at him through the door.

“What was that?” Thor asked looking genuinely perplexed, as per usual.

“What was what, dear brother, or should I say traitor?”

“I’m sorry?” He said, still looking between the door Strange had left through and Loki, sounding as serious in his apology as in his confusion. “And you threatened to stab me yesterday.”

“Your point?”

“You didn’t take your eyes off each other once.” He said, fixing his gaze to Loki.

“I don’t trust him.”

“Yet you agreed to help.”

“And you allowed him here in the first place.” Loki said, accusingly.

“So this is my fault?”

“Yes.”

“Why would you agree to help him? Given everything I thought it was the last thing you’d do.”

“And you were wrong.” Loki snapped far harsher than he’d intended. “You obviously don’t know me as well as you think you do.” He stepped away from the door and out of the room, making a point of not looking back as he left. Exactly what that point was and who it was for he didn’t know.

Walking down the corridor Loki didn’t care to take in anything as he passed, focused on simply getting _away._ Stephen seemed to have that effect. Every moment spent around Strange was sending Loki in the direction of yet another spiral. At least when it came to those Loki was familiar, with all the times he’d crashed and burned before how could he not be? Stephen Strange was the unknown, and he threatened to bring down every piece of the lie Loki had carefully created for himself. Far worse, Stephen marked the possible beginning of the end of the lies Loki had for everyone else, the lies the kept him safe, hidden and moderately unhated. The only thing Loki had succeeding in lately was pushing away the people he cared about, just like he always did. At least there was something he was good at.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to share that my folder for this wip is titled "im better than the russos loki edition"


	6. Chapter 6

Loki arrived at the sanctum at exactly 2pm on Friday as had been arranged over the phone with Stephen. Only after, of course, Loki had turned down several other suggestions for a time by claiming to be busy, hoping to inconvenience Stephen as much as possible.

Stephen answered the door himself, which Loki hadn’t expected given the man’s statue. He took it as a sure sign Stephen was definitely far too invested in Loki for some diabolical reason.

“Any objection to working in the library?” Stephen asked as he led Loki further into the sanctum. The grandiose open space of the entrance, shrunk down to a regular sized hall- though the décor remained elegant with elaborately detailed.

“That depends. Will you be there?”

Stephen didn’t respond beyond a mildly amused shake of his head. Loki was beginning to become infuriated with his lack of a response to any provocation on Loki’s part. As they continued towards the library, Loki decided he would find a way to get a reaction from Strange. It was only fair given Strange had a largely adverse effect on Loki.

Stephen led them to the library, opening the door and stepping in ahead of Loki. Loki took one step into the library and found himself entirely caught off guard by the sheer beauty of the place.

Asgard’s Palace Library was magnificent, and it has always been a safe haven for him as a boy. Books lining every wall in dark, varnished and expertly carved wooden shelves. Those carving had been the only decoration, the sheer amount of books leaving no room for the excessive aesthetic that covered most of the castle. Exquisite as they were, Loki never cared for them, too enamoured was he with the Books they shelved.

The library at the Sanctum was no rival for that of Asgard – smaller and less ornate. The smooth dark wood of the shelves lined the walls and formed several isles down the length of the room, tapering off multiple times into separate sections - none labelled. Regardless of his criticisms Loki found himself filled with astonishment at the sight. So long had he spent away from any real Library, despite how much he had cherished Asgard’s. Immediately to the left of the door they’d entered was a window- the only one in sight. It allowed golden light to stream into the room softly, weaving around the books making them appear to glow tantalisingly.

Stephen who’d been in front of Loki didn’t notice his initial reaction of awe long enough for Loki to recover. When Stephen did turn around Loki gave him a particularly cool glance in return.

“There’s a space towards the back of the library I thought would be appropriate.”

“You can guess how much I’d love to be alone with you in a secluded space, I’m sure,” Said Loki, the sarcasm dripping from his voice almost tangible

“I imagine you’re just bursting with enthusiasm. Now, come on,” Stephen replied in a manner to match Loki’s own before starting on his way towards the aforementioned space. Loki reluctantly followed behind him.

They reached the space Stephen mentioned and were greeted by the sight of the assorted books, notepads and other items placed on the table in a manner that was hap hazardous yet functional. Stephen took a seat at the table, pulling a laptop forward and gestured for Loki to take the seat across from him.

Loki sat down, moving the chair further away from Strange as he did. Stephen pulled a device towards him and Loki pulled one of the open books towards him, flattening the pages delicately, to better see the illustration.

“You’ve been busy,” he said, looking down at the image clearly depicting the Aether.

“I take my work seriously,” Stephen answered simply. “Where should we start?”

Ideally Loki would have answered by saying ‘the end’ and proceeded to leave immediately. In actuality Loki bit his tongue long enough to start explaining, elaborating and of course pointing out any errors – an activity he took great pleasure in. Strange continued to type whenever Loki said anything useful. Loki made sure that conversation went in a direction that very notably avoided any discussion of the Mind Stone

“How does that work?” Loki asked eventually, gesturing to Stephen’s laptop in the silence that stretched as Stephen made his notes broken only by the intermittent tapping of keys. As much as Loki had been dedicating himself to limiting any interaction with Strange he’d been curious for some time, and eventually that curiosity had overtaken his dislike of Stephen enough for a brief pause of hostilities.

Stephen lifted his head up curiously and met Loki’s eyes. “The computer?”

“Yes, that. I’d expect it to run on some sort of magic but I’d be able to feel that.”

“How do you know it’s not just a small enchantment?”

“Like I said, I’d feel it,” Loki replied, entirely sure of himself.

Stephen hummed slightly in response, seeming more than a little impressed by the answer. “Electricity mostly. Though I suppose you could say programming as well.”

“Sounds barbaric,” Loki responded.

“It’s faster than writing with a pen, or a quill or whatever it is you use.”

“Quills are clearly superior,” Loki stated bluntly, intending to leave no room for argument.

“They’re ridiculous, and inconvenient.”

“Only if you don’t know how to use them.”

“Well my apologies for my desire to make things harder for myself.” Stephen snapped right back.

“Is that what you call it?” Loki provoked, still intent on causing more than his share of trouble for Strange.

“What are you implying?”

“That you’re simply lazy and don’t want to admit it.”

“Well, _your Majesty,_ ” Stephen started, dragging his words out exaggeratedly. “You have my deepest condolences that not everyone feels the need to be as classy as yourself. It must be terribly hard to be the only one with any sense.”

“It is. Although I don’t appreciate your tone.”

Stephen scoffed and shook his head, smiling. “You’re unbelievable.”

“I’m in myths, Stephen.”

“Yeah, I heard about the horse.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Look it up.”

“And waste anymore of my time on you?” Loki said, smirking. He leaned back in his chair, getting caught in the easy wit of back and forth he’d accidentally started.

“You’re wasting plenty of time right now with how off topic we’re getting.”

“Which I’d say is quite clearly your fault.”

“You’re the one who asked about my computer and then proceeded to insult me for possibly the least relevant things I’ve ever been insulted for.”

“I didn’t insult you. I simply stated facts if you were insulted then that’s your problem.”

Stephen rolled his eyes and brushed his hair back before hitting a few buttons on his laptop. “Thank you for your help. It was more than useful. Even if you do seem to work harder at behaving like a prick than actually working.”

“That’s your influence.”

“How inconsiderate of me.”

“Quite.”

Given Loki’s bias against Stephen he wouldn’t ever admit that he’d actually enjoyed their interaction to any degree for even a moment. Strange, surprisingly, seemed particularly skilled at keeping up with Loki’s snide remarks and even returning them with _almost_ equal flare. Loki would only ever admit it quietly to himself but perhaps sometimes it wasn’t awful to speak to Stephen. Sometimes.

Just as Loki was leaving, Stephen stopped him.

“For what it’s worth, you’re welcome to use to the library at the sanctum if you ever need,” Stephen said scratching the back of his neck with a small yet friendly smile.

Loki was stunned by the offer and in his surprise, not wanting to take too long to reply simply said, “Thank you.”


	7. Chapter 7

Loki arrived at the sanctum exactly five minutes later than agreed upon. Ordinarily he would despise such disregard for punctuality but bothering Stephen in any minor way possible more than took priority.

“Tea?” Stephen asked, after greeting Loki.

“I’m not a savage.”

“Tea it is.” Stephen smiled, gesturing for Loki to continue to their usual spot in the library while he headed towards the kitchen.

The first time Stephen had offered Loki tea he was convinced it must be poisoned. Not wanting Stephen to know Loki had realised this, he accepted. Loki cast a revealing spell on the tea while Stephen wasn’t looking and was shocked to discover it wasn’t an attempt to murder him. From there, the only logical explanation was that Stephen knew Loki would realise his plan and hadn’t poisoned the tea in some sort of mind game in order to get Loki to let his guard down, and Loki wasn’t having it. Only recently had Loki begun to entertain the idea that perhaps Stephen’s every move wasn’t part of a scheme against him.

Loki didn’t head to the normal table, but wandered through the library instead, pulling out books with care and skimming their contents casually. Loki couldn’t deny the allure he felt towards the quiet beauty that always filled the library (unless of course Stephen should ask in which case Loki had never so much as glanced at the magnificent library if he had any way to avoid doing so). He continued unconcerned in that manner for some time, although he knew he’d never consider the amount of time spent in a library enough.

As he searched for nothing in particular Loki came across a peculiarly familiar looking book. Examining it more closely it was now surprise he’d recognised it as the symbols along the side were unmistakably Asgardian. Flicking it open to a random page, he found his familiarity further confirmed. He closed the book and his fixation wavered enough for him to come back into full awareness of his surroundings.

“What?” Loki said, taken aback by the realisation Stephen was leaning against the end of the bookshelf and looking right at him.

“Nothing. Find anything?” He asked.

“There’s clearly something.”

“Do you always respond this way when people admire you?”

Loki took a quick step back. “What?”

“You heard. Find anything?” he asked again stepping closer and looking at the books Loki had been examining.

Loki blinked, frozen for a moment before he regained his composure, “This is written in Asgardian,” he lifted the book slightly.

“May I?” Stephen asked, outstretching his hand. Loki handed him the book. After a pause Stephen continued, “You’re right.”

“Of course.”

“I imagine it’s a copy.” Stephen added, ignoring Loki’s remark, having grown more use to him in their previous time together.

“Then you wouldn’t be opposed to another copy being created?”

“No. Why would you need to?”

“Not many books made it out of Asgard. I’ve created copies of any that did so as to preserve them and allowing their owners to have the original.”

“What a noble cause.” Stephen gave the book back to Loki who couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him as he took it. Stephen quirked an eyebrow, looking at him strangely.

“I’m sorry,” Loki said not fully done laughing, “It’s just you might be the first person to ever describe me as _noble._ Definitely the first this side of last millennium. You have no idea how obscure it sounds.”

Stephen gave a small smile. “I described your actions as noble. If you want to be technical.”

“I always do.”

“Take it with you when you go.”

“There’s no need.” Loki said simply, turning the book over in his hands. Stephen seemed to be about to question him and Loki had already decided to ignore him before he stopped. Loki’s eyes slipped closed easily and he had a brief pause in which he wondered when he’d become comfortable enough to do so in front of Strange. He only spent a moment on the thought before he was falling back into the ease of his magic. Loki felt the book on a new level as he reached out with tendrils of magic and he knew Stephen watched as their green light engulfed the book. Loki inhaled deeply, and by the time he’d released the breathe he was opening his eyes to gaze down at the two books he held. The first was the same as before, now with a similar book placed on top of it. Loki was more than proficient enough to make changes to the design without effecting the contents, and the first had been a rather bad copy, something Loki was bound to notice.

Loki placed the old book back on its shelf and met Stephen’s captivated gaze.

“Come on,” Stephen said in an awfully small voice, “Tea’s getting cold.”

As they made their way back to the usual place and Loki wondered when the venom in his voice while speaking to Stephen and faded so completely. Maybe it was when he first drank the tea Strange gave him without first checking for poison. Maybe it was as he’d began noticing more and more things about Strange he found tolerable. Maybe he wouldn’t find an answer as to when, but he found himself oddly pleased that it had happened regardless.

After reaching their destination. It took less than an hour for Loki to decide that their current approach was getting them nowhere. He stood up without a thought of subtlety and stretched his hands above his head, not missing the way Stephen’s eyes wandered. Loki raised an eyebrow at him.

“What are you doing?” Stephen asked, pretending rather badly he wasn’t at all embarrassed. Loki smirked.

“Something else. We’ve got as far as we’re going to with these outdated, ill-informed examples of literature,” Without a further word, Loki left, disappearing into the bookshelves with the annoyingly persistent feeling that Stephen was watching him leave.

Loki didn’t end up finding anything of use to them. In truth he stopped trying rather quickly, electing to browse the –though he’d never admit it to Stephen- impressive collection of book’s in the library.

Stephen appeared around the corner soon after his redirection of Focus.

“I might take up your offer of using the library.” Loki said running his finger along the spine of a particularly exquisite book with gold accents.

“I wondered if you’d forgotten.”

“I don’t forget.” Loki replied, pulling the book from the self and flicking it open to the contents. Loki had a way of perfectly maintaining the conversation and preserving his aloof nature. Stephen, in contrast, was leaning against the bookshelves - which was in itself simply barbaric – and watching Loki intently with an unwavering expression of _something_. Stephen’s full attention was on Loki. It was driving Loki insane.

“You should. Use the library I mean. If you’re nice to me I might even make you tea.”

“You’ll make it anyway.”

“Probably.”

Loki ran his finger down the table of contents and flicking through the pages, “I wasn’t aware you and the library were a package deal.”

“I can’t have you wondering about unsupervised, can I?”

Loki paused his inspection of the book to glance up at Stephen with a small smile, “I suppose not.”

“Did you just agree with me? Are you feeling alright?”

Loki rolled his eyes looking back at the book he was holding. “We’ve barely gotten anything done. Come on.”

They didn’t get anything more done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super quick hopefully not annoying thank you to everyone who's commented/bookmarked/interacted with this fic it honestly means a lot. Sorry for the long wait. School is,,,, a lot.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's shorter than usual. I could've added more but i didn't wanna throw of the flow or add anything unnecessarily ya know? And i figured its better than nothing so here ya go

Loki flicked over the page of his book delicately, busier gazing at Stephen whose hair was falling haphazardly over his eyes while as he read. Stephen looked up at him and Loki realised he’d stopped even feigning being focused on something other than Stephen. Stephen’s eyebrow twitched upwards curiously.

“I was just pondering whether you were going to offer me more tea or are just a bad host.”

Stephen smiled, looking as though he didn’t believe a word of it. “Wouldn’t want my reputation as a host to be ruined, now would I?” he asked picking up Loki’s and his own cups

“Best prove it,” Loki replied looking boredly back down at his book.

Stephen shook his head with amusement and left on his venture of providing more tea. When Loki was sure Stephen’s back was turned he looked back up to watch his form retreating behind the bookshelves. Loki’s eyes stayed locked on the place Stephen had left longer than he’d meant them to. Glancing back down, Loki caught sight of the book Stephen had left open.

He inhaled sharply. He’d stretched his arm across the table and pulled the book closer to him before he could think any better of it. Loki’s blood ran cold and he stared, paralysed at the image before him. _Thanos. That painful intrusion into his mind, too strong to fight and too much to breathe._ Bright and terrifying blue, was the illustration of the mind stone filling out the entire page. Loki had to leave. He stood up abruptly, knocking his chair in his haste to get away _._ He flinched at the noise, cursing himself for it, and was gone as fast his whirring thoughts were consuming him.

When Stephen returned, holding two cups of steaming tea, he did so to an empty table, one book lying flat open in the centre, and Loki gone.

\--

Loki reappeared in his chambers in new Asgard, crashing to the floor. He had a moment to think of how quickly his coherence has disappeared, before the thought was violently pushed out by his panic. He threw his hand up, in a crude, shaky gesture, magically locking the door.

His chest was tightening painfully.

His breathing quickened, mirroring his thoughts as it shuddered. Memories he wanted to be forgotten pelted him full force. Thanos and the unending torment were pressing in on Loki making his head feel like it was about to explode. The haunting image of the mind stone lingered in Loki’s thoughts. The blow that broke his resolve. Loki had fought so hard. And then all the power of an infinity stone was pressing in and there wasn’t any of him left to fight.

A hand was in his hair twisting _._

Stephen wasn’t anything like Thanos. Loki tried desperately to convince himself. Loki knew – he _knew_ – why Stephen was looking into the mind stone, into all the stones, but the nagging thought ‘ _what if he lied?’_ was reaching into Loki’s chest and ripping him apart. Had Stephen left the book open on that page deliberately? He must’ve known Loki would see it. Mustn’t he? Stephen wouldn’t have. Loki was sure he wouldn’t. He would, insisted the invasive voice of doubt filling Loki’s thoughts. _He couldn’t have._

A sob broke out of his burning lungs.

Every conversation with Stephen had artfully avoided any discussion of the mind stone. Loki had been relieved, but maybe the reason was a sinister one. Could the mind stone possibly be used for anything good? Could it be locked away? Prevented from causing harm? Loki had caused harm, worse than harm, because the mind stone took away any choice. _Keep telling yourself that._ Loki sobbed. Thanos was gone, but the mind stone wasn’t. Loki wasn’t safe, would never be safe. The thought was sickening. Stephen was looking into the stones to _stop_ them.

His breath was coming out in shuddering gasps.

To his utter despair Loki realised just _how badly_ he didn’t want Stephen to be against him. As though Loki _cared_ if Stephen hated him.

His hand was clawing at his chest like he could scratch the pain away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ps. sorry for the long wait only to come back with a bite sized chapter/angst fest. im on school holiday now so hopefully more to come!!


	9. Chapter 9

Snow was falling delicately in a light unbroken shower as Loki watched out his window, perched on the chair he’d moved. The serenity of the outside working in a somewhat calming manner. Loki had had almost a week of quiet, or as close to quiet as it got when he had to be doing everything in his power to avoid talking to the biggest problem he had – including blocking said problem on Thor’s phone when he wasn’t looking so he wouldn’t find out. He watched the snow and felt the biting wind through the open window. For once he found a calm moment he’d be willing to stay in.

Then Stephen Strange was there and everything was awful again.

Appearing in an ungodly burst of colour against the snowy backdrop Stephen ‘the colour palette’ Strange stepped out of his portal and strode towards the property, looking far too determined than a man with no taste had any right to.

It seemingly didn’t occur to Stephen that showing up went very much against the entire point of avoiding him. Or perhaps he was well aware and that was his very reason for doing so. Either way, Loki’s plan –of pretending Stephen didn’t exist indefinitely- was ruined and he was less than thrilled.

Letting out a sigh he hoped accurately conveyed his suffering even if he was the only one there to appreciate it, Loki moved away from the window, electing to leave before Strange showed up there too.

Loki took his time walking the halls towards the main entrance, talking himself out of disappearing again, to an entirely new planet this time, however appealing the idea may be. Stepping around a corner into the main entrance hall Loki found Stephen, looking both resolute and annoyed, conversing with an evidently confused Thor, who knew nothing about what Loki presumed to be Stephen’s issue.

“Well,” said Stephen upon seeing Loki, “Look who it is. Fancy running into you here,” he said, tone dripping with sarcasm.

“I live here.” Loki deadpanned.

Thor looked over a Loki before walked over to him muttering something about leaving them to it as he stepped out the door Loki just entered through. ‘Traitor’ Loki mouthed to him as he passed.

Stephen looked tense, almost conflicted as he looked at Loki. “It’s been a _week_ , Loki.”

Loki scoffed. “Please, spare me the false concern. I’m not so foolish as to think you feel anything other than contempt towards me.”

“I don’t fucking hate you!”

“Maybe I hate you.”

“Oh yeah? Prove it.”

“What?”

“I don’t believe you. So prove it or talk to me. I’m not leaving until you do.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

Stephen responded by exaggeratedly falling back into a chair and leaning his head on his hand expectantly.

Loki considered turning around and walking out of the room, leaving Stephen to wallow in his defeat. In reality Stephen would follow Loki and continue with his incessant demands, but it was a nice thought. Loki took a breath and sighed.

“You seriously intend to behave like a child until you get your way?”

“I call it innovative problem solving but yes.”

“Why are you being so persistent? This shouldn’t matter to you. Let it go.”

“By ‘it’ you mean you and you know it. So no, Loki, I will not let you go.”

It took Loki a moment to process that and Stephen took advantage of the quiet to walk closer to Loki, looking him in the eye, unwavering.

“You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” Stephen said firmly.

“Trust me I’ll find a way. I want you gone.”

Stephen shrugged in a way so frustrating casual and unbothered and that was so incredibly _Stephen._ “You still haven’t proven it.”

Loki scoffed but didn’t move away.

“Loki, please,” Stephen continued, “I know you don’t want to talk but I’m not letting that happen. And I,” he paused, “I owe you an apology. I’m sorry. Can you please explain to me what you’re thinking?”

“I’m thinking I want you to leave.”

Stephen’s expression was so ridiculously soft and apologetic that it caught Loki off guard. “Stop deflecting.”

“I’m not.”

“Fine. Just because you refuse to communicate doesn’t mean I have to. _I’m sorry._ I know this is about the mind stone. And that book. Which I was dumb enough to leave open. But what I don’t get is why you had to disappear for as long as you did. _Please,_ just explain it to me.”

Loki felt his resolve slipping and he cursed himself for it. “Stephen,” Loki sighed, looking at the desperate look on Stephen’s face. Loki felt the desperation he’d been pushing down flare up within him, the uncomfortable need for Stephen to be on his side. “Tell me why you’re looking into the stones.”

“What? You know why.”

“Just do it.”

“I- Okay. Okay,” he took a breath, visibly confused and looked to the side. “I’m looking into the stones because after recent events it’s clear they can be a threat. I want to stop that from happening again. That’s why I asked you for help.” He looked back to Loki, “Why else would I be?” he asked, voice thick with trepidation.

Loki could feel his constantly strained muscles starting to relax and his tension ease as Stephen spoke. Stephen’s words shouldn’t have had that power over Loki and as much as he wanted to deny they had any effect at all Loki found himself glad they did. As much as he told himself he should Loki couldn’t bring himself to hate the warmth blooming in his chest as Stephen’s concern grew more evident.

“If you’re still resolute on having a discussion we may as well sit down.”

Stephen nodded, concern making itself apparent in the way his eyebrows knit together.

Loki seated himself in an arm chair positioned somewhat near the couch and waited as Stephen sat on the end of couch nearer to Loki.

“You never mentioned the Mind stone to me.”

“I was worried about how you’d react.” _Fairly so._ Loki thought bitterly. “Why did you think it was?” Stephen asked, cautious.

“Something sinister,” Loki answered honestly before adding against his better judgement, “In my defence my history with it is rather sinister.” He looked off, away from Strange, and away from the unwelcome comfort Loki felt when he looked at him.

“How do I convince you it isn’t?” Stephen asked after a brief cause, prompting Loki to look back over towards him.

“Why are you here?” He dodged the question.

“Maybe I care.”

“That’s absurd.”

“Is it so hard to believe I like spending time with you?”

Loki made a noise in the back of his throat in a sort of skeptical consideration. “I suppose you could be worse company.”

“Would it kill you to consider someone who could be worse company a friend?”

Loki met Stephen’s gaze. “I suppose not. Is that what you’re hoping to gain from harassing in my own home? _Friendship._ ”

”You disappeared. I knew it was my fault but I didn’t know what to do to fix it. I was worried.”

“Anyone would think you’ve grown fond of me.”

“I consider you a friend. Even if you do think I’m out to get you,” Stephen replied, pausing, “which I’m _not._ ”

Loki hummed in response, contemplating the idea, still unconvinced.

Stephen hesitated before adding, “Are we… okay?”

“Only if you promise never to accost me in my house ever again.”

“I can’t promise that.”

Loki’s mouth fell open in entirely genuine and pure offence. Stephen had the audacity to laugh.

“I’m sorry but it worked,” Stephen elaborated, “It got you to talk to me. Promise never to run away like that again and I promise to never arrive unannounced again.”

Loki pressed his lips together skeptically, “If that’s what it’ll take, then I suppose. I promise.” Stephen smiled in a way Loki hadn’t seen him do before, bright and unfiltered and full of hope. Loki forced himself not to linger on the image and the feelings it sparked.

Loki’s chest started to feel like it was being pressed in on in an entirely new way. Like a fire was starting and wouldn’t be stopped until it consumed him. “You should head back to the sanctum.”

“Still trying to get rid of me?” Stephen asked, his expression betraying some amount of hurt.

“No. Maybe. Should the Sorcerer Supreme be disappearing for too long?”

“I’ll go if you’ll unblock my number.”

Loki laughed. “Fine. But I’m still not going to answer.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god loki unblocked his number!! what character growth!!!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No editing I will die like a gay with adhd because i am one

“Loki before you go care to explain to me what happened a few days ago.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I’m meeting Stephen.”

“He’s Stephen now?”

“That’s always been his name.”

“And now you’re meeting him?”

“We’re having tea.”

“Tea?”

“It’s a beverage.”

“I know what tea is.”

“I’m glad to hear our King isn’t as stupid as I thought. Now I’ll be going.” Loki left no room for argument as he slipped out the door.

\--

Loki and Stephen had been reading in a quiet corner of the Library for some time. Loki stretched out across a couch and Stephen lounging in a chair opposite it. Loki, to his surprise, was relaxing as he read, leisurely flicking the pages every so often. It was odd, that he could be so calm, and filled with such warmth, in the presence of someone he’d be planning to ignore indefinitely not long before. The intense fire that reignited every time Loki was near Stephen was flickering steadily at a dull but noticeable warmth and he tried to make sense of their relationship. Despite his previous adverse reactions Loki found himself no longer pulling away from the comfort of that warmth, perhaps leaning ever so slightly into the reprieve from his usual tension.

Stephen had wormed his way into Loki’s life and firmly planted himself there. Loki was finding himself less and less irritated about that the more he thought about it. He’d been thinking about it more than enough. _Because he was observant. And because he wanted to be sure he’d know what Stephen was planning._ He reminded himself.

Within minutes of arriving on Earth Loki had all but bared his soul to the man in a desperate act – a part of his plan. A plan that had worked. Better than expected. Because Stephen hadn’t just agreed to what Loki had wanted, he’d sided with him. All within a few minutes of threatening him. That had to be a record – even for Loki. Admittedly his first impression of the matter was overall critical of Stephen. His suspicion was far from gone but he’d started accepting the tea Stephen offered without checking for poison which he thought counted towards something. He was still deciding what exactly that something was.

Loki had been determined to avoid Strange at all costs. Strange, it seemed, had been even more determined than he was to seek out Loki. If Stephen was one thing, it was determined. Stubborn may have been more precise of a description. It was that stubbornness which had ultimately lead to Loki reading leisurely in Stephen’s presence, feeling less agitated than he had in some time.

Loki felt tangled in all the confusing information. Pulling and pushing, trying to make sense of it, but to close to the centre of the knot to make difference. Every move trapped him further and had him seeing the madness from a new angle, more confusing than the last.

“Loki?”

“Hmm.”

“You haven’t turned the page in 20 minutes.”

Loki looked back down from Stephen to his book, before exaggerated turning the page and maintaining eye contact. “Does that alleviate your concerns?” he asked.

“I wondered if you were thinking about something.”

“As surprising as this may be to you I generally am.”

“Care to share?”

“I don’t usually and I don’t see why I’d start today.”

“Alright.” He conceded, half closing his own book, holding it on the page he was up to. “How’s the book?”

“As dull as it was the first time.” At Stephen’s curious look he added, “I read it when I was younger.”

“How young?”

“A few centuries or so.”

Stephen smiled and laughed, melodic and short, over to fast. Loki would definitely have to stop _that_ line of thinking if he was to preserve his sanity. He had no business caring about Stephen. Loki couldn’t stop his own mouth twitching up. “Something amusing?” he asked, tone lacking its usual venom.

“It’s easy to forget how old you are.” He shook his head, still smiling.

“I’m old enough to have seniority over you. Watch yourself,” he sent Strange a glare his heart wasn’t in.

“You’re in my library, you’ll recall.”

“You must be honoured.”

Stephen scoffed but didn’t respond. He turned back to his book, the echo of a smile still visible on his face. Loki waited a moment, watching Stephen without expecting anything, before turning back to his own book. His chest was constricting like a fire was consuming all the air in his lungs and creating a vacuum. He took a breath, and returned to reading. He didn’t get the chance to continue for long, or for his thoughts to return in full measure.

“I’m glad that you’re here,” Stephen muttered. Loki looked up, finding Stephen barely moved from his spot, eyes still fixed down.

“That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard,” He replied.

Stephen looked up shaking his head slightly with exasperation. “One day you’re going to accept a compliment.”

Loki just rolled his eyes and returned to reading. It didn’t take long for Stephen to start talking again. It seemed like something Loki should have been annoyed by. As it was he just listened, and entertained the conversation. He always had something to say about magic. So he paid attention. Then he mentioned something Stephen didn’t recognise because it was Asgardian, and Stephen asked him about it.

“It’s a magic theory. I can’t say I know how it applies to mortals.”

“Humour me. What’s the theory?”

Loki looked at him, unblinking for several moments, analytically, trying to decipher why he’d care to listen to Loki. Stephen just looked back and raised his eyebrow. Reluctantly he, launched into an explanation. He forgot about his hesitance almost as soon as he’d felt it, caught up in his enjoyment of the theory. At one point, a criticism slipped out of his mouth on the validity of a concept, and Stephen, ever confusing, asked him again to elaborate. When Loki eventually finished his elaborate explanation of both the theory and his complicated personal feelings towards it- backed up of course by various points, he realised he’d barely noticed Stephen the whole time he was talking. Stephen had barely commented, save for asking questions. Now, Stephen was looking at him with a soft smile and widened eyes. Loki fell silent, and glanced away.

“That’s… brilliant,” Stephen said, breathless. Loki, smiling despite himself, looked up and caught Stephen’s eye. Loki blinked, taken back by the intensity of Stephen’s gaze. He fell silent, watching as Stephen studied him.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile before,” he finally said.

“I’m sure you have.”

“Not that one. Not like that.”

Loki inhaled tensely. The moment stretched on. Stephen’s eyes were alarmingly bright close up. They had more green in them than Loki expected. He looked away.

“I…” Loki swallowed. “Don’t you want to get back to your book?” he asked. Stephen shrugged.

“I’m more than happy with what I’m doing.”

“Right.”

Stephen smiled at him again. Loki came to appreciate that he needed Stephen to stop doing that if he was going to stay sane like he’d planned. Some higher power must have been having a merciful day because Stephen looked away from him, down at the table.

“Tea’s cold,” he said, by way of an explanation as he reached across to pick up Loki’s cup as well as his own. Inexplicably, Loki’s breath hitched. All at once Loki realised just how much of his world was taken up my Stephen in that moment. If Loki leaned forward just slightly he could press against Stephen, chest to chest. Stephen was looking past him as he grabbed their cups. Small mercies. If Stephen was looking back at him while this close, Loki might find himself panicked enough to run away for a week again. Which he’d said he wouldn’t do.

As quick as he was there, Stephen was leaning back. “I’ll be back.” He walked away, Loki’s eyes stuck to him the whole time, and on the place he’d left for long after that. Loki took a deep breath. Stephen was still going to be the death of him. But now he wasn’t sure that was a bad thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so so sorry this took like 3 months to post i promise im gonna try and post the next chapter soon (i think it'll make a few people happy tho i wont say why ;) ) fair warning i dont know how long this fic with take to get finished. ive kind of fallen out of the MCU fandom. i still want to finish this but i cant promise lots of updates or fast ones. i hope i can buy forgiveness with fluff.
> 
> thank you so much to anyone who's supported this fic up to this point and who continues to do so its has really meant a lot <3


	11. Chapter 11

Three times. Stephen had invited Loki to the Sanctum 3 times since their recent truce. More obscurely, Loki had accepted. Every time. The table at the back of the Library was smooth dark wood, with a gnarling scratch in front of Loki being the only obvious imperfection. He traced it absentmindedly.

Stephen had slipped away to the reference section, hoping to find something helpful they’d missed in previous searches. A ridiculous notion – Loki’s combing spells didn’t fail. Loki’s _spells_ didn’t fail. They’d reached somewhat of an impasse. However much he’d deny coming to Strange’s for anything other than business they seemed to have veered rather away from that lane of activity of late, so Loki couldn’t say he was surprised by the lack of progress.

Loki was skimming some of Stephen’s notes on the infinity stones, adding into the margins his own comments with a quill. This served both as a distraction and as the perfect way to appear productive while actually leaving something to insult Stephen when he was gone.

“Still making notes?” Stephen returned, sliding into his seat next to Loki.

“Someone has to.”

“You’re holding the notes I started.”

“I was talking about useful notes.”

Stephen reached out and grasped the stack of papers above Loki’s hand, the bottom of his palm brushing against Loki’s fingers. Every sensation from Loki’s hand seemed to suddenly intensify in a way so distracting he briefly wondered if Stephen just cast a spell. He found his lungs inexplicably paralysed. Stephen was warm and his hand against Loki’s felt like the now familiar cups of tea Stephen would make if they were more intense. Loki really did like tea.

Stephen’s was pulling back and then his hand was gone. Loki still couldn’t breathe. Stephen peered down at the notes, quirking an eyebrow.

“You want to explain to me how ‘ _not likely’_ is a useful note?”

“Someone needs to keep you in check.”

“Ouch.” Stephen was smiling. He dropped the notes back down, turning in his seat to face Loki for fully, leaning back at the same time. “I’ve been meaning to thank you,” Stephen began, watching artlessly for Loki’s reaction, when Loki only glanced at him eyes narrowing, he continued. “For your help here. Your input has been invaluable.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong,”-he wasn’t- Loki started. “But we haven’t achieved what you set out to do.” Stephen shook his head as if that was ridiculous. As if he wasn’t thanking Loki with no tangible reason – like a courtesy between friends.

“That doesn’t mean we haven’t achieved anything. I don’t want you to think I’m ungrateful.” Stephen leaned forward again, making Loki acutely aware of the small space between them.

“You have _nothing_ to be grateful for,” Loki snapped. “Would you _stop_ already?”

“Stop _what_ , Loki?”

“Acting as though I’m somehow important to you,” he yelled. Stephen’s hand came up to tensely run through his hair as he huffed.

“Why are you so insistent on the idea I hate you?” Stephen said, voice raised to match Loki’s. Loki held Stephen’s insistent gaze. The tension thrived in the silence.

“It’s the only thing that makes sense,” Loki said firmly.

Stephen looked an inch away from rolling his eyes into the back of his skull. Then his expression hardened into something far from the light air he’d had before.

Stephen closed the small space separating them. His lips were warm and soft like melted butter and with their gentle press against Loki’s mouth his whole body ignited with warmth. _Oh._ The way Loki felt around Stephen was starting to make sense.

All too soon Stephen was pulling back, his fingers brushed delicately against the side of Loki’s face. Loki opened his eyes to Stephen already looking at him and for a lingering moment neither of them said anything. Stephen took a breath – Loki felt his chest move. “What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking,” he said, out of breath, “I’m thinking that either this is an _impressively_ elaborate scheme-” Stephen let out an annoyed huff –“or, you actually don’t hate me.”

“It’s the second one,” Stephen said. Loki hummed as though considering it. “I mean it. I feel a lot more for you than just a lack of hatred.” Stephen’s hand was resting lightly on Loki’s jaw, lighting up every nerve it connected with. “I know you’re not the most forthcoming a lot of the time, but I need to tell you, I mean- you deserve to know. I just…“

“Stephen,” Loki cut him off, “I feel the same.” Stephen beamed and his smile was all the confirmation Loki needed that that was the right thing to say. Stephen leaned in again, slower this time. Loki met him in the middle, their lips meeting in a soft caress. Stephens finger delicately traced Loki’s jaw line, before moving back so his palm rested firmly on the back on his neck pulling him closer. Loki responded by bringing one arm up to wrap around Stephen’s neck, his other hand resting on Stephen’s chest. The kiss became open mouthed, lips locked together tenderly. Slowly, they parted, foreheads leaning against each other. Loki inhaled. His hand was still on Stephen’s chest and he could feel the rise and fall of his breathing, deep but quick. Loki leaned back. Stephen’s eyes found his. 

“Do you teleport away from good emotions too?” Stephen asked. Loki didn’t miss the slight sadness behind his eyes. The _guilt_ , left over from last time.

“Sometimes,” Loki’s voice came out soft and breathless in sharp contrast to the shouts and tension of not long before.

“Don’t this time.”

“You’re in luck. I hate everything about this.” Loki said, pulling Stephen in for another kiss.

Where before Loki had been blinded to the knowledge of the kiss about to take place, now he was prepared, and he took his time to enjoy every moment. The barely there touch as he first connected their lips. Stephen’s warm breath against his face. The way Stephen responded in kind as Loki pressed his lips more firmly against him, hands moving to rest on his sides. Loki placed both his hands in Stephen’s hair, running his fingers through it and tipping his head back, leaning forward to kiss him better, returning to the open-mouthed kiss of before, he brushed his tongue forward, supressing a shiver when Stephen did the same, tongues connecting. Loki’s hands fell to Stephen’s shoulders, bracing themselves there. Stephen’s hands were resting against Loki’s waist, one of his thumbs moving across his side pleasantly. One of them moved up along his side, gliding around his back and slipping into his hair. Loki was stuck by the realisation of how long it had been since he’d allowed someone to touch his hair. He found he didn’t mind, holding tighter to Stephen’s shoulders.

When they eventually parted they didn’t move from their embrace, abandoning the books strewn across the table. Loki’s fingers brushed against the fabric of Stephen’s shirt. “I should be going,” he whispered. Stephen hummed in acknowledgement but they both remained still, lost in the newly found tranquillity. Slowly, Loki deliberately pulled himself away from the moment, away from Stephen. Stephen let him move away, silently standing up. Loki followed suit, not questioning as Stephen walked with him. Stephen laced their fingers together.

“Does this mean you’ll go on a date with me?” Stephen breathed, standing close to Loki. The easiness of leaning back in was tantalising.

“Only if you make it worth my time.”

Stephen smiled. “I think I can do that.” His fingers traced Loki’s palm before moving up and interlocking their fingers in a firm grip.

“I’ll see you soon.” The way Stephen said made it sound like a question.

Loki stepped forward, lifting his hand to brush against Stephen’s cheek. “You will,” Loki whispered and closed the distance between them to press a soft, sweet kiss against Stephen’s mouth.

-

Back in New Asgard, Loki lay on a couch, for once feeling as though he could truly be described as relaxed. It seemed to him, that he should be far more worried than he was, so alien was the calm. Stephen was less confusing now, lingering glances and inexplicable invitations explained away not by malice but attraction. For an afternoon Loki’s world had been simple. The simplicity didn’t last - _would never last, couldn’t erase the rest of the world or Loki’s life._ It with the initial glow of surprise and warmth Loki felt when Stephen kissed him. But still. It was nice to forget, even if only for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT NOTES: I didn't originally plan on ending this fic here and ill spare you the reasons. I didn't want to abandon this project but if i stuck with my original plan i would have. i hope this is a somewhat satisfying ending point but more importantly i hope i adequately showed that Loki's pstd would not evaporate at the end of this chapter. I was going to explore his mental health a lot more but now i won't be. a relationship doesn't fix ptsd. I hope i didn't make it seem like it would. 
> 
> Other Notes: i want it known I'm deeply thankful for the support I've received while I've been posting this. to anyone following the story i hope this feels like at least some semblance of closure. I already have some stuff written that was for future chapters. Now i might post some of that as oneshots/small continuations of this fic. I'll make a series for it when i do. I'm still writing other things and have other fics posted if you want to check me out. im also on social media if you wanna come say hi   
> (Tumblr: make-or-blake  
> Instagram: make.or.blake  
> Twitter: make_or_blake)


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